To say I prepared a lot is an understatement. I’m not always the most organized person, but when I’m nervous about something, I become the queen of lists and spreadsheets. So, for this 10 day service trip on which 4 adult leaders and myself took 7 teenagers to Lima and Pucallpa, Peru, I was quite nervous. This was my first time taking a youth group on an international trip before.
I grew up as a missionary kid in Hungary, so I’ve traveled internationally enough to know that a lot can go wrong. I made sure to prepare absolutely everything that I could, from checklists, information packets, and dozens of emails to parents.
All of this to say, by the time we took off from the airport on July 4th, every “i” was dotted and every “t” was crossed. We were ready. I was ready, and I was very proud of myself.
All of our travels went smoothly. After spending a night in the Lima airport, we arrived at the TEC Compound in Pucallpa early morning on July 5th, as scheduled. We were hosted by Cristina and Kyle Thomas for a full week, exploring Pucallpa, repainting and pouring concrete at the local church, and helping with an afternoon kids program.
Yet, over the first days I found myself becoming increasingly agitated and irritable. I was impatient and snapped at people, especially my sister and husband who came along as youth leaders. Yes, I was adjusting to the heat and recovering from the fatigue of traveling, but my attitude on this trip was not what I wanted it to be, nor what I wanted the youth I was leading to see in me. I was forced to confront this.
At the end of each night our team met together to debrief each day. One of the questions we asked was “how did you TAP dance for God today?”
It was our silly way of checking in with each other to make sure that we were being flexible, open minded, and allowing ourselves to grow with the new experiences. We used Jesus’ wineskin metaphor in Matthew 9 to explain why we wanted to be teachable, adaptable, and present to make sure that we are expanding with our new experiences on this trip.
As I asked the youth this question, I knew that I was not “tap dancing” as well as I could. My pride in preparing for the trip created in me a lack of adaptability and flexibility that caused my irritability and frustration. When things didn’t go as I expected, I had no room in me to change or let go of control.
One of the youth, Nathan, a 15 year old who grew up in Guatemala as an MK, asked upon arrival if things would be going according to American or Latin American time (referencing the difference in how the two cultures approach timeliness). I admitted that I didn’t know, but that we would make sure to be on time to everything even if others weren’t: my pride wanted to make sure we presented ourselves as well as possible, according to my arbitrary standards.
Anyone who has dealt with teenagers knows that it is really hard to get them out the door on time. Every time we had to wait for someone to finish getting ready so we could take off on our next activity or project, I had something to say.
But then sometimes we would arrive at our scheduled activity, and those we were working with wouldn’t be ready for us, or those leading us would communicate differing expectations. The control I desired and thought I had was quickly slipping away. I found myself complaining and getting defensive while I was expecting the youth team to have a good attitude.
So as we checked in nightly, and as the youth shared about their “tap dancing” with better attitudes than I had, I knew I needed to confess and to change. I admitted my failing “tap dancing” score to the team, even though I’m their leader.
They prayed that God would help me be more flexible and have a better perspective going forward.
Over the next few days, I noticed the tension in my chest lightening and little things bothering me less. God opened my eyes to how incredible everything around me was. The group of teenagers were remarkable. They seldom complained as they joyfully and wholeheartedly dug ditches and painted walls in the hot sun, performed skits and played with kids who didn’t speak their language. I watched them become friends with the people we were working with and they worked hard, full of energy and resilience. Even when they were too tired to want one more meeting at the end of the day to debrief, they reflected on their tasks and checked in with each other about their God sightings and “tap dancing.” Some of these kids had little to no experience with travel and being away from home, yet they were able to put expectations aside and go with the flow, filled with a joy and peace that only comes from God.
I got to see many of them grow in their faith. A group of 15 to 18 year-old boys in particular became close, like brothers, sharing their experiences and supporting one another.
These students and the other youth leaders inspired me with their perspectives, work ethic, and energy. God used them to help me let go of my need to control everything so that I could let Him accomplish His will, not my own.
Even after God changed my heart I needed to keep leaning on Him and my youth leaders to remain flexible and gracious. After our week in Pucallpa, we spent a weekend serving in and exploring Lima before we flew back home. Each day presented a new opportunity to practice this shift in attitude, the stretching of my wineskin. Every day I became a better “tap” dancer. I am so grateful to the incredible group of teenagers who taught me so much on this Peru trip.
May God continue to work in their lives and mine.
Eszter Bjorkman serves as the Associate Pastor of Youth Ministries at Neffsville Mennonite Church in Lancaster, PA.
She grew up as a missionary kid in Hungary where she developed her love of great food, historic places, beautiful music, and interesting people! When she was 10 years old, Eszter moved to Princeton, NJ where she attended middle school and high school. In high school, she met Karl, who became her husband in 2019 after she graduated from Wheaton College. Then, she started at Princeton Theological Seminary so she could become a pastor.
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